Reclaim the night? Reclaim the agenda

Dianne Brimble lay drugged and dying in a cabin while two men raped her, shaved her public hair, took photographs of it, then went off to a cabin down the hall to share the photos with other female passengers, who laughed along with these men.

A group of teenagers in Werribee filmed the merciless and sexualised brutalising of a young woman, then packaged it and marketed it around the streets of Werribee.

Over in Sydney, Sheikh Hillaly made a speech that has left me gobsmacked for weeks. And now he is inciting marches in support of his outrageous assertions.

Well may we be outraged. As women, we have a right to be genuinely frightened. Why are men doing this, and what is this attitude that permits the utter de-humanising of another person? And what can we do about it?

We may ask ourselves: who are these people, who can treat another person like that? I find this behaviour astonishing. But in contemplating these events I'm trying to remain interested in why this is happening. I see something greater: what is the culture that we are creating? Why is there no empathy between people so that they can be treated like a "piece of catmeat"?

First, I should say that I will not countenance any argument that humiliating, assaulting or raping women is because of an uncontrollable sex drive. If your sex drive is that bad, have a good w*nk and get some counselling, because this is not sex - this is dehumanising, assaulting and commiting an atrocity against another human being.

But where are the men? I want them to talk to other men about how outrageous this behaviour is, but they close ranks. I feel sometimes like we are screaming inside a cone of silence. Yes, before I hear your protests, good men also feel this way, sometimes very intensely out of horror and shame for the behaviour of their brothers. The fact of an assault can drive good, peaceable, respectful men to contemplate physical violence against other men. But what I'm talking about is a systemic problem, which seems to stem from a deep suspicion of - or utter contempt for - women. How is it that any group of men can countenance treating women like this?

I have spoken to a friend who is a social worker and she has noticed men - sometimes literally, because she works with military families - closing rank on women who have alleged assault or sexual assault against their partners or others. Surely a real man would say "Yes I'm your mate, but what you did was pretty f*cked up", rather than "she's off her rocker". She said the women in question often feel assaulted for a second time, by being effectively accused of being crazy, scheming, lying or malicious, when she was simply a victim of violence who told someone. Naturally, it means others don't tell, and the violence continues.

Interestingly, in the same week as the Hillaly comments, VicHealth released a report into attitudes to violence against women, entitled two steps forward, one step back. Despite finding that most men disagree with using any forms of physical violence against women (a marked improvement since 1995), this study also found that there remained concerning numbers of people who held attitudes which may condone or trivialise violence against women or undermine efforts to address it:

• nearly one in four respondents disagreed with the statement that ‘women rarely make up false claims of being raped’ and a further 11% were unsure;
• approximately one in six people agreed that in relation to sex ‘women often say no when they mean yes’ and a further 8% were unsure; and
• just over one in ten people believe that women who are sexually harassed should sort it out themselves.
• nearly two in five respondents agreed that ‘rape results from men not being able to control their need for sex’.

Further findings were that "despite evidence to the contrary, there is a high level of belief that men and women are equally likely to perpetrate domestic violence and that women often falsify claims of domestic violence to gain tactical advantage in cases of contested child custody."

In 2004, a study by VicHealth and the Victorian DHS showed that physical violence is the largest preventable health risk for women aged 15-44 years, and the biggest single cause of death in that age range.

The 2005 Personal Safety Survey, a rigorous national study based on face-to-face interviews with over 17, 00 Australians, found that:
• one in three women had experienced physical violence since the age of 15;
• nearly one in five women had experienced sexual violence since the age of 15; and
• 16% of women had experienced violence by a current or previous partner since the age of
15 (ABS 006).

I recently taught a subject about crime at a large university. I showed my students statistics from reliable sources such as the ABS and the AIC indicating a massive problem that is not being reported, or not being dealt with by the justice system, and one that is not really abating.

Our class was divided: those who saw how prevalent sexual assault is - who saw it as a massive unredressed issue in social morality and social policy, and those who genuinely believed that sexual assault allegations should be treated with the utmost scepticism and interrogation, out of concern for the reputation of the alleged assaulter. These are educated, English-speaking, intelligent kids. What is it about?

Here's a theory: we're currently going through a period of intense self-justification and narcissism. Nobody needs to apologise for anything, be it road rage, state-sponsored abduction (ie the "stolen generation"), illegally going to war, systematically lying to constituents, or accepting political donations and plum jobs after holding public office. Ethics shmethics (...try saying that 5 times fast...). Bugger accountability, and bugger Westminister. Put principles on hold, I'm trying to ram through my own agenda. Screw her, she's just a slapper. It's all about me.

On the other hand, there's the "I'm relaxed and comfortable. I'm not getting involved. It's all too hard" perspective, which is the other, defeatist side of the narcissism coin. Apathy.

The VicHealth report made a number of recommendations for change, but it seems to me that what is needed is an enormous, elephantine effort in shifting our own culture to a less comfortable, but more trusting and healthy place. But in an environment where an award-winning, hard-hitting campaign to change our understanding of abusive relationships (the "No respect no relationship" campaign) was filtered down, given the runaround and had its key byline changed, I wonder what hope we have.

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Just an aside: Legal Eagle, in response to the question "where are the feminists?" is concerned that fears of Islamophobia have silenced many feminists in response to the Hilaly speech. I don't tend to agree. I think it's actually a sign about understanding that the voice of radical conservative islam is best countered by other islamic voices; which have indeed been loud in criticism. Perhaps we need to support them too.